How to stay focused

The power of forgiveness

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When I went through a divorce after years of a struggling marriage, my ex asked if I forgave him. I was confused. I didn’t feel that forgiveness was in my power. I didn’t feel any judgment toward him – I just needed to not argue anymore. But forgiveness was important to him so I said I didn’t hold anything against him and wouldn’t have changed a thing – we had had a great life with lots of friends and two wonderful little girls. We were just too different to stay together and it was time to part friends – but definitely to part.

When I walked away, I felt no bad feelings toward him. I just felt free and ready to get back into the world again, to get back to a positive, high-energy place.

Throughout my life, I’ve known plenty of people who are bitter about relationships and about splits and I see the bitterness weigh on them. It’s heavy. It steals their energy and their focus and holds them to part of the past that’s done. It makes them miserable and it can make them kind of miserable to be around. Continue reading →

The importance of showing up

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Like any business, you have a brand. If your brand is strong, it might be “100% guaranteed.” Or “Always on time.” You may be known for having an open heart. A generous soul. A guaranteed laugh.

If your brand is feeling a little tarnished, you have the power to change that simply by showing up – physically and mentally. When you show up to a conversation, you listen with intent. When you show up to a function, you show up on time and fully take part. You make promises only when you know you can keep them. Continue reading →

The significance of choices

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Is it too mysterious to think that for every major choice in your life where you headed off in a new direction that you also continued in the original direction?

That you simultaneously went to more than one college.

That you have your current friends and you have friends from that other life, the one you’re not living.

That you got divorced and you stayed with your ex. Continue reading →

The magic of choosing with intent

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Every presentation I give on organization starts with a discussion of intent. I ask people to take a quiet moment to think about why they came to the talk. And then there’s that awkward moment: If someone can’t think of a reason why they’re there, I suggest they step out. No one’s ever taken me up on this, but I’m serious! If you’re somewhere you don’t want to be, your focus and energy aren’t there. And other people pick up that which means you’re not only wasting your time, but you’re messing with the overall energy in the room. Continue reading →

Organizing a smart move

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If you’re planning a move for yourself, your kids, or your grandkids, here are a few ideas from Bellhops for making the move run smoother.

Continue reading →

Making a new habit a priority

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When you’re working on something you really connect with, you get more done. It’s weird to think that adding something to your “to do” list helps you do more – but it does. When you work on stuff you love:

  • Your energy goes up.
  • Your focus improves.
  • You manage your time better because you want to make sure you have time to get to your good work.
  • You’re more interesting to be around.
  • You feel better.

Quiet, mid-Winter days are a great time to ponder a new habit. Successful new habits start with intent – why do you want to do this?

Then you have to figure out how to make this new habit a priority. Doctor and author Lissa Rankin has a great exercise to help you figure out your priorities. Take a plain piece of paper and draw a stack of circles. Each circle is a core part of who you are. Each is something that makes you tick and makes you happy. Continue reading →

Ode to brain power!

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You know how important it is to exercise your body, but do you know how important it is to exercise your brain? One of the coolest ways to take care of your brain is to meditate. AND if that sounds really intimidating, help is on the way.

Sharon Salzberg, one of my favorite teachers for her practice around loving kindness, is hosting a 28-day meditation challenge starting on 2/1. It’s free to take part, so there’s no risk trying it… And if you love some or ALL of it, well, hurrah! Your brain will thank you. Here’s a link to sign up for Sharon’s Real Happiness Meditation Challenge. Continue reading →

The importance of JOY

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George E. Vaillant, a psychoanalyst and research psychiatrist at Harvard, directed a 30-year study on adult development. According to Vaillant, joy, love, compassion, happiness, and delight “help us to broaden and build. They widen our tolerance, expand our moral compass and enhance our creativity,” as well as help bind us to others. Vaillant’s experiments document that while negative emotions like shame, guilt, anger, and hate narrow our attention, positive emotions, especially joy, make thought patterns far more flexible, creative, integrative, and effective.

On the flip side, when you dwell on negative feelings, you damage your physical and spiritual well-being. Negative emotions cause stress on your body – and you’re less pleasant to be around so they can have a huge effect on relationships. Continue reading →

The importance of gathering

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“Some trees spread root systems underground that interconnect individual trunks and weave individual trees into a more stable whole that can’t so easily be blown down in the wind. Stories and conversations are like those roots.”

~ Rebecca Solnit, from The Mother of All Questions

So here’s the thing. If you’re facing a fear or a dilemma, and you think your options are “fight or flight,” consider a third option: “Gather.” Gather for solidarity. Gather for advice. Gather for support. Continue reading →